If your vagina could speak, what would it say?

(originally posted 02/09 at wordpress)



by Abigail Yates

Let me back up a minute here. So, on Valentine’s Day my mother, my roommate and I got together to grab a bite to eat and then to see PSU's production of the Vagina Monologues. Unfortunately when we got there it was standing room only. We rescheduled for Friday and began to leave. As girls often do, we decided first, however, to stop by the ladies room. There we all were in our separate stalls when I decided to pose the question above to Michelle and my mom. 


"Ladies, I have a very important question to ask you. If your vagina could speak what would it say?"

"Feed me!" my mom laughed.

"I know what mine would say," I replied. "It would say, 'I need a haircut.'"

Stifled giggles.

"My vagina would say that it's single handedly bringing back the 70's. My vagina is doing the Farrah Fawcett."

Complete and utter dead silence.

Thinking that I must be having an off night I brushed it off, wiped, buckled my pants, flushed and began washing my hands. It was just then that out of stall number three walked a woman who lets just say was neither Michelle nor my mom! I about died.

Fortunately worse things have happened and my ego is still intact, but just wait; it gets better. On our way home we were still laughing about how embarrassing it was with my mom adding hilariously that her vagina hair is so long that she has to blow dry it. I then started to muse over how funny it was that Michelle was so silent the whole time. 

"Were we embarrassing you, Michelle?"

"Well, I don't know. I was just wondering when you ever had the chance to see Farrah Fawcett's vagina hair."

She was dead serious.